This was the scene that nearly killed me.
Because as much as Dean was keeping close to Cas in this episode, Cas was also trying to stay close to Dean.
Cas didn’t want to be alone.
Cas didn’t want to be sent away.
And Dean told Cas he couldn’t stay in their motel room.
And what does Cas do? He desperately wants to prove himself useful. He wants to be needed. So he says anything he thinks might convince Dean he can be useful.
“I don’t sleep. I’ll watch over you.”
Because he still thinks that his value lies in his usefulness. That Dean only needs him for his angel mojo, for what he can do to help Dean - teleporting, being invisible, fixing wounds.
Cas still doesn’t understand what Dean meant when he said “Cas, buddy, I need you.”
If Cas ends up having to make a choice between remaining an angel or going mortal, he might chose to go on being an angel, thinking that Dean won’t need him without his powers.
“He thinks people I don’t need anymore – they end up dead.”
Food for thought.
#this this and a thousand times this
Misha did a great job in this scene. You can feel Cas vulnerability, his fear that Dean might send him away; because at that moment, heaven isn’t a option and the winchester are the only family Cas has…
This is a wonderful post. People keep saying that Cas is a soldier who kicks ass. That Cas is incredibly powerful and celestial and otherworldly. All true. But you know, Cas is also incredibly vulnerable. He’s stuck between two worlds, he’s lost his sense of belonging and he’s lost himself. He’s not God’s little soldier anymore, but he’s also lost confidence in what he was fighting for in seasons 5 and 6. Castiel is traumatized by a war he should never have fought, by what he thought he was forced to do and the losses he sustained.
Like Dean, Cas has never experienced the feeling of being loved and needed for no other reason than for being Cas. As was pointed out above, Dean extended that love to him (“Cas, buddy, I need you”), but Cas isn’t able to wrap his head around the idea. He has such a low opinion of himself that it doesn’t even cross his mind someone could love him just so. Then, of course, it’s also rooted in his past. Cas was raised to believe that he’s one of God’s beloved children, only to find that the love he devoted his entire existence to was probably an illusion. Cas never saw God, he never found him, never had proof of his love, and in the end lost faith.
The only raison d’être he can still see for himself is being useful. He has no place else to go, so to earn the right to stick around, he tries desperately to prove he can do things for Sam and Dean. Of course, he could just flutter off on his own, but coming back to what I said in the beginning, Cas is vulnerable. He’s scared, and he’s lonely, traumatized and hurting. He doesn’t want to be alone, but he’s unable to believe anyone would stay with him just so.
It’s Dean Winchester’s story, all over again.